I’d been a Doctor for twelve years when I became a patient with an incurable neurodegenerative condition. Coming to terms with my own vulnerability, both as a patient and as a person, has helped me understand more about what being healthy really means.
Health is more than just a prescription
I’ve spent my professional life writing prescriptions for my patients with mostly beneficial and helpful outcomes. When you have a chronic condition - which means there is no cure - the medications you may be prescribed are either for symptom management or disease modification.
Beyond taking a tablet, I realised that many other aspects of my life have a direct impact on how I feel and that viewing these as complementary to a medicinal prescription may offer everyday benefits. With a condition such as MS, rarely are two days the same. Considering how I eat and exercise, who I spend my time with and what I get enjoyment from, are everyday steps that can have a big impact on how I feel and my prognosis.
When the going gets tough, sleep (or move)
Fatigue is frequently reported as a symptom of a lifelong condition. It is something I’d heard many patients talk of over the years, and I will admit it, whilst I empathised with sufferers, it is very hard to imagine what it is like to only be able to function for parts of a day.
We all get tired, but we don’t all suffer from fatigue which is crushing, exhausting, depleting and miserable.
Never able to just shake it off, true fatigue runs its own race. The only thing I have found to help is giving in because your body just needs to rest. When things ease, I find unexpected benefits in going for a short walk, even just around the block. It is amazing how the puff of a cold breeze or the rhythmic nature of putting one foot in front of the other can sometimes temporarily provide relief.
Allow yourself to be sad
When I was diagnosed, I was at the end of my maternity leave with my son. I had distracted myself with his first year of life whilst I had waited for test results and finally The Bad News Appointment. For years, I continued to keep calm and carry on until new unignorable symptoms appeared and I finally had a panic attack on a bus which forced me to look in the mirror. Eventually, I understood, I didn't have to pretend everything was fine, tell myself ‘it could be worse’ or ‘be positive’. There is a balance to strike between wallowing and pretending you are ok. I think to find your midpoint there must be a degree of acceptance, sadness, and frustration at the situation you find yourself in. You can guide yourself over the bridge as well as recognise that it’s a bit scary when you look down.
Health and Happiness- it’s an inside job
As Anne Lamott says, ‘there is almost nothing outside of you that will help you feel happier in any lasting way unless you are waiting for an organ, you can’t buy, achieve or date it, this is the most horrible truth’. I can’t fix my condition. Pretending it’s not there doesn’t work, in fact in my experience this makes it worse. But it doesn't have to make me miserable or constantly worried unless I let it. We all make choices every day in response to what is happening in our lives that have an impact on how we feel and our health. We make those decisions, not the circumstances we find ourselves in. It can be very hard to choose to find sources of happiness when things around you seem to be falling apart. It can feel uneasy or even wrong to feel joy when there is so much misery around. But you are all you have. To help yourself feel better you must learn to listen to your body and mind and be kind to yourself as a result.